Till mid May

Although I was so excited getting to blog more in the beginning of the year, I have slowed down as you can see lol.

 In general things are nice~  Wish I worked more days in a week though. 

 

Here are a few outings & looks as usual. 

So what do we have here? 

 

 

Wed 29th

 

A litle bit of late April.  

I went to my charismatic's house 

after my guy friend advised me 

to be more direct & brave 

& just text him about

 going to his house. 

 

We went to the stadium to chill. Needless to say he became my caretaker because I got too excited we'd go there that I forgot I was hungry & my belly was empty & I got nauseous after a cigarette. Then I got worse at the restaurant we went & we got everything take away & he called a taxi. Back home he fed me & I got back to normal.  

 

 

Anyway, the good things about the stadium chill~ 

There was a woman playing the guitar a lil bit further from us & it was so atmospheric. It felt like a humming melody in the air. I got inspiration & wrote something that goes like "Was I living Athens before?" & I kinda compared living Athens for real to him who is full of rhythm. What love can do, right? 

He asked me if I know the song she's playing but I don't really know greek songs much. It was cute though~ The whole melody of the song stuck in my mind because of the cig & the songs that were playing at the restaurant felt like it had the same rhythm.

 

Then I remember I had some train of thought & we said something we laughed about 

BUT I IMMEDIATELY FORGOT WHAT I THOUGHT ABOUT & WHAT WE SAID! 

 And then gals!!! 

I don't know if I heard right but... I heard a possibly confessing word from him & it was moments before I started getting nauseous. I was sitting with my legs crossed & hiding my face & inside of me I was like "Don't confess to me, I'm gonna faint!".

That word he said, but never continued, has gotten stuck on my mind & I remember it at really quiet times. Did I hear right? It truly baffles me because I don't remember what we said before he says that word.

       Maybe I'm delusional.

                     Just a speculation~ 

...no offense to myself.       

 

Ah yes, then for a few minutes I got back to normal after that when he continued by asking me when I'll take him with me to Japan & Korea. AND I WAS LIKE (inside of me) "OH YEAH THAT IS THE RIGHT INDIRECT CONFESSION MY HEART CAN TAKE". (...if that was one lol)

Like, you want to come with me to chill stress-free around pretty places? YES, PLEASE, COME! T^T

  

 

Sat 2nd

 

As we go on... 2nd of May was his bday. 

 

It was Saturday so I ate with my best friend & then when he finished his shift we went to his house to get ready. I was soooo nervous to give him his gift that I was like "You've got something over there" looooool. Then we went to the to the tavern his friends were already at & it was soooo much fun.

I went there with my belly full so I didn't eat much although he put some fried zucchini on my plate that looked delicious (& his friends were giggling coz of the whole scene) but I never ate... because I was busy drinking wine & talking to the girls of the group. At some point I remember us dancing & I had even forgotten he's there lol, I was truly in my own world. 

One of his guy friends started telling me stuff about him & gals? I was tipsy, I don't remember much but I remember a word he used in greek which in english it's something between romantic-sentimental. ADJFD;LSFJKAD MY charismatic? For me? loooool

I enjoyed seeing him having a fun time with his friends. I don't know, I feel like I can't get enough of seeing him having fun, laughing, joking, dancing. Also... imagine that I write these stuff but I forgot how affectionate he was with me there. I wanna cry hah.

      AND! 

              I finally captured us~ 

I'm way too shy to take a pic with him 

but I made it that night!!! 

And not just pic but videos ehehheheheh

 

 

 

    Help.

                       

I adore him so damn much.

 Coming back home in the night, it felt like a Fukuoka night. 

 

It was rainy & just so magical.

 

I put my music & then Liar Game to play in the background. I rarely talk with him about my deep stuff but that night I kinda made it. I cannot really sit someone down & be like "listen to my story" but I'd love if he was interested. I cannot talk in simple terms though, we have different emotional language & mine's way too intense, deep, kinda complex to some. He can simplify something which I truly admire at some instances. But I don't know if he removes the depth lol. 

 

 

 

 

 

 Sun 3rd

 

 

Then the next day I went back to my home 

until it was time to get him from his shift 

to go to a live & then stay at his house again.

 

 

 

Look how pretty it was around 8.30pm~ 

 

 

 

 

 (this is the live which I could not feel much as I was in pain T-T &  sensory overload)

 

That night could not top the bday night & I was also sensitive emotionally because of my incoming period so my mood was meh. Monday morning & I went to cry in the bathroom. I tried to be discreet & not make him realize that I cried but then I remembered I gotta be real & not pretend. We're human & that's how we connect. My body could not lie & the moment I leaned my head on his shoulder I started crying again. The good thing with me is that I do know what my problem could be & how to regulate myself. Simple. And his whole attitude just complimented mine as all I needed was some understanding, support & care. 

 

 

That week he became my caretaker & although they might have been uneasy moments because of my health, a deeper layer was that they worked as a beautiful unfolding of getting to know how things work out between us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Wed 6th

 

  

Then during the week I was working nearby his place

 so I grabbed coffee & went to his house.

 

 

Of course I had to post this as I have got my fave coffee roasters over there. 

They use Oatly for my latte & their beans are chocolatey.

 

Then later, I got the bus back home & my best friend surprised me by meeting me on the bus while she told me she took a different one. I LOVED THAT MOMENT!!!

 We got food delivered & then went to our fave park to eat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

  Sun 10th

 

 

 

He planned for us to go to the food festival.

 

                                           I loved my coord that night. So cute!

 

  

I actually had my throat being fcked up so I found my voice so funny & as crazy as it sounds, that little silly thing was making me feel really hyped hahahaha. Maybe when I find myself funny I get more loose & I'm less in my head? Who knows?

 

I also met a greek woman who was living in Australia &  we started chatting as I was waiting for him to finish work. That's why I love it downtown; you always find someone to have a pleasant exchange with.

 

 

 

I was hungry so I just wanted to get over with eating so I didn't care what I got. All I can say is that my mind was once again in the whole outing with him & I was fully immersed in the festival's atmosphere & in his cute demeamour.

 

He got us a delicious desert with strawberries, choco praline & fresh ice cream from the machine with some sprinkled crushed biscuits.

 

 

 

Idek, he was so damn cute that night. My fcking heart, really.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  Wed 13th

 

 

With my best friend in the week

as I needed to do some shopping so we met after her shift. 

 

 

  

We went to another fave roasters of mine. The weather was too perfect to go home. And my charismatic also was having a good time with friends so I was double content~

will I shut up?

 

 

 

 

 

 

  Fri 15th

 

With my friend, Angela, for billiards & sushi. The only person I can go play billiards with. The only sport I do & I have nobody else to play with~

I won all 3 games this time because

I was focused & not starving 

like the previous time. 

 

 

  Sat 16th

 

I went out with my best friend to eat our favourite food...

 

...you know my favourite food, right?    

...& of course to burn some brain cells as my charismatic was on his shift.

Really, when will my nervous system stop acting as if it's the first time I see him & as if he's not my boyfriend? Coz I do forget everything & my mind gets blank seeing him. No, really. He asked me what I was doing that day & I could not remember a thing. 

Am I... clinically a lunatic? 

Have I completely lost it?      

Something strange that happened was when he asked me if I will go to his house the next day, even if we had already said that quite a few times & I was like "would I ever tell you no?" answered with a "I don't know".  

???Could he also be afraid of rejection from me just like I am from him???

Because that week I had such dreams about rejection but in the end it was just an illusion out of fear & it would turn out he'd reach out for me. Once again, in real life, reassuring me even if I told him something silly like "I had a bad dream".

 

The 

     face

           of

               a

                  lunatic.

 

 

 

 

  Sun 17th

 

Then Sunday again~ 

You know how it goes, right?

I got ready to go to his house & the weather was absolutely perfect. 

I wanted to go for a walk with him but we stayed home & got bahn mi to eat. And then the next day we went for some shopping for some house essentials he's been wanting to get for a long time & he finally did that ...with me. So sweet! 

 

 shut up, Mel!

In general. I thank him & he's like "it's ok". He thanks me & I'm like "it's nothing". I thank him because to me these would not be granted.  My appreciation goes way further than romance. I don't even feel romance, I don't feel yearning. I just feel awe & peace. Grounding was what I didn't know I needed in order to not lose myself in my own vast mind.

 

That's all~ 

           

Thank you for the comments you've made while I was inactive. I'm gonna check your posts these days so I can catch up on how you doing.

 

I gotta stop posting in such frequency as the posts get long

& I also get to feel nostalgic seeing all of that together.

 I will try to make it weekly, at least.