So I really wanted to voice some things, in case anyone can get how I feel.
It's not a thoroughly "planned" post, just going to start typing my thoughts.
I don’t like talking
just for the sake of talking.
I realized this during a conversation with a coworker who pointed out "You don't talk much, you just watch". And it’s true~ I prefer meaningful conversations over aimless chatter. I'm the kind of person who talks a lot when the moment is right, but it depends on the people I’m with, their attitude & the purpose of the conversation. If someone isn't genuinely interested in understanding or connecting, I tend to disengage. Once I sense there's no personal investment in the exchange, I shut down.
Of course, it's not all one-sided. I can enjoy casual, light-hearted conversations as long as the other person brings an interesting or fun energy to the table. On the other hand, when someone shares something personal or meaningful, just like in our coworker's case, even if it's not something I'm particularly interested in, I make an effort to engage out of respect. I avoid adding unnecessary words though, just for the sake of responding, that might overshadow or diminish their feelings. It's my way of showing respect & being present. Present because inside of me I feel like they're sharing a part of themselves which is important to them, it's their story, I want to pay respect to it. Ew, I feel like this is all about respect but ew, sometimes I feel like these thoughts of mine are too much. Ew.
After articulating these, I feel like what I'm talking about is common social etiquette... Um... so what was I really going about?
Oh yeah, trying to highlight deeper emotional intelligence
& self-awareness that not everyone consciously practices.
We gotta do it more, I don't know,
connect more as in real life,
face to face we are not screens
just typing words to each other
& whatever someone takes away
without caring about the tone.
Some engagement? Some connection? No?
I don't talk about being touchy-feely,
I'm just talking about something basic.
Common sense is sadly not that common after all~
so I just gotta do my part.
wow I was not expecting to write such things when I started this post
Not respecting my beliefs.
or even at a 2nd level, not considering them...or worse, not being interested in understanding them out of a genuine desire to deepen our connection as friends or in a relationship, can be frustrating. Is that really so difficult to respect?
Why do I bring this up? Because I don't celebrate xmas, and that often leads to situations where my boundaries are overlooked. For example, when I tell someone I'm not comfortable participating in certain activities, like secret santa, it's disheartening if they frown or judge me for it. Yes, I understand it's a family gathering, and people enjoy it, but I cannot bring myself to engage. I'm happy to watch, laugh along & share in the atmosphere, but for me it goes beyond the fact that it's a xmas activity.
I also don't personally enjoy the idea of giving or receiving meaningless gifts. I find it wasteful, especially if the gift might end up unused or in the trash, which the thought of it ending up in the trash is breaking my heart & I cannot in the idea of doing that to anyone. I'd much rather give someone a thoughtful gift card for something they truly need or have been eyeing. Likewise, receiving a gift that doesn't align with my preferences or needs makes me uncomfortable; it just becomes excess clutter & that bothers me. If only people used wishlists! Then we could exchange gifts that are genuinely appreciated on both sides. But I'm just saying~
But ultimately, this isn't just about gifts. It comes down to basic respect. If someone takes my preferences personally or sees me in a negative light because of them, it's the opposite of respect. Respect isn't about agreeing with everything, it's about understanding, accepting & not diminishing someone else's values or boundaries.
Wow, I went hard with this one.
I felt passionate about it haha
I like being single? *shocked*
Not that I'm absolute about it. It's that I came the realization that after a decade of being single, I feel so comfortable, so secure with myself. Just last night, a guy in my friend group mentioned how uncomfortable he feels going on trips alone. He even canceled a trip because he broke up with his girlfriend & couldn't imagine going by himself. That's when it hit me "This is why I'm single! I genuinely enjoy it! I don't feel the same discomfort in solitude; I’ve learned to appreciate my own company".
I don't date in general. I haven't seen anyone whom I recognized. I'll leave it at that, I don't think I have to say more. I have a logical approach apart from the spiritual one because I also find fulfillment in knowing that we can merge our wealth & flourish. To have a vision & build together.
Anyway, that said, once I started feeling more secure in my body or better put, in my frame, I stopped having those moments of overwhelming loneliness where I'd wish I had my person. It's not that it's always easy but I've learned to self-assure. I long for it but I don't feel rushed, I just feel calm & content in myself.
I wanted to point out that I'm a really affectionate person, I'm a touch holic, yes. I'm all syrupy, just the air of it is this post or much deeper, all of the romantic songs of my two faves, Sin Bandera & Camila. That's my peak.
My type is...a feeling. It's a recognition, an equal mission, things we relate about that do not feel like alien to each other. I'm not seeking them actively, I just know & I feel secure we are not going to miss each other. It's impossible to miss each other. I feel secure in the relationship that does not exist at the moment haha.
I'm just thankful & cherish where I am right now in life.
Ok, once I started playing the playlist I shared, I cannot go on with this post haha
I'm going to enjoy their live session now~
edit: Just noticed that I usually make such posts after a personal experience of mine which contains disappointment. Just a reflection of mine. Feels like I always go back to myself to fill me up <3
I'm thankful if you read until the end or could relate to some of my points.
I get where you're coming from with these words. We are the ones that we should be worrying about and pursue what makes us happy and love ourselves. Don't do things that just because other people are doing it or don't understand otherwise. Being happy with oneself and being able to love that self is so important to our lives and mentality.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate that you made such a passionate blogpost and shared with us. It's important to gather your thoughts and feelings and solidify them.
I like secret santa when it's done *properly*.
ReplyDeleteTo me it is a cute way to just make someone happy.
Of course when the other person is gifting "trash" I also think they should just not join in. It is not fair. Even if I am the one receiving "trash", I try to give my best into the gift and make it as personally as possible (which is difficult if you do it with ppl that you don't know much about). Sometimes it's about giving and less about getting. Here I heard a lot of ppl that dislike it, you are not alone with your thoughts.
About the being single thing. I agree with you. After the years I really get sick of having to wait on other ppl to finally get up their butt and do smth, I rather go on my own than not going at all. I feel content being alone too, kinda.
I am getting very lonely and I personally want to have a big family and the older I get I am getting more anxious about "running out of time" but in the end I also rather be alone than be with the wrong person. I seemed to notice a lot of ppl are only in a relationship because they don't want to be alone, not because they genuinely like that person. I think that's way worse than being alone. Imagine how disrespectful that is. I think I rather have someone leave me TF alone than force themselves to be with me when they don't want to. And I rather end up alone with nobody and no kids than settle for something that isn't doing good to me. I remember I dated a guy that first was very cute but into the relationship he was getting really an asshole (and I mean the abusive, alcoholic type) and ppl kept talking to me that "this is how men are" and I "should lower my standards". This was the first and last time I listened to ppls advices. He broke up with ME btw. and that's the only good he has done to me. If having a proper partner that treats me right is too high of a standards, fuck yes I will have high standards. So high, they be flying.!!
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