I've been living inwards
a lot since January '23
as I'm in the most intense
"Mare Lamentorum"times.
It's not the best thing
but that's how reset works like,
it HAS to happen for that
new life truest to yourself.
I've been feeling like a wreck,
also been feeling as if nothing matters
in this world... but along with that,
faith in the unknown good got born inside of me.
It's weird because I feel like
I need my circle to cheer me up
but at the same time, I feel so powerful.
And I hate this because this holds me
back from asking for an ear,
because which ear is
going to dive into such "sea"?
& I end up feeling so lonely
as if I'm in the outer space.
Like, I really wish to get down to earth, enjoy human stuff.
I've been feeling an intense
grief inside of me but...
it's actually...
for a great purpose...
So I feel like it's all worth it
What the...
In the meantime though~
Doing my make & hair
at such times got me feeling better,
as well as reading gals' blogs,
getting more informed & practicing on my make.
I actually did not want
to upload pictures or take any
until I receive my lens
but I felt safe getting out of my shell & sharing myself.
I even uploaded on Instagram, wow.
Dear angel Mel, I hope your mind is clearer now ♥ i relate to feeling like nothing in life matters. And I know it's easier said than done to reach out to your friends when you feel lonely but I promise it helps.
ReplyDeleteYou look beautiful by the way~~ and I love your hat!
- Amiman ♥
Amiiii, thank you so much. It's been a month since that post & I'm in awe about how these things unfold in this journey of healing parts of you. Even if I do nothing "special" in my life that I'd really love to do, this nothing period of time serves something & is significant after all, so it's ok if I'm far from a "full bloomed field".
DeleteThank you for your words a lot <3
You look so so cute in those pictures!!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about going to the depths of the sea - I’ve been there, I feel it too - kinda like disassociating in a sense??
It’s not dark or melodramatic, I feel we all need an outlet for these feelings, either be a creative outlet, ask for a friend to lend us an ear, write our feelings down in paper (or in a blog!)… Honestly there’s no shame in that :’)
Btw I love the Final Fantasy saga but I haven’t played FFXIV, not yet. That song is superb. So nostalgic and dark, but so gorgeous at the same time, I can see why you put it to describe what you were feeling. FF has always the best music OST and songs, omg.
Anyways, hope you are feeling better now :)
It takes me some time for me to comment on blogs cuz Blogger is not working really well for comments in Safari browser, I need to change to Chrome and I don’t remember to do it that often, so… ;_; Everything looks fine on Safari and I can read it, but whenever I wanna comment they always get rejected/not posted (in every blog, even mine!) so idk, it’s so bothersome ;_; Maybe I should stop using Safari, but it works so well with Mac so idk ;-; oh well~
Can I ask you what’s your instagram acc?? I’d love to follow you there too!! <3
Omg... I just found your comment! Trust me, even on firefox I had problem with not posted comments on some blogs -.-# I don't get how it happens.
DeleteThank you sooo much for reading & commenting on that, as well as being familiar with how amazing the music from FF is.
Funny thing is that I came back to read this post of mine to see how my heart would be at that moment as now I'm in a completely different space, so thankfully I also saw your comment which I appreciate a lot <3