I was not in the mood
to create anything
but I had to do something
to my nails anyway
so I did a white gradient
with scattered pearls.
If the nails say anything about my state right now is that
I've given up in order to go forward.
I've been into a limbo.
Isn't it crazy when you also get a confirmation of the way you see things?
Getting to know I'm a projector, now I see that I was not crazy.
Things worked out when when I'd be at mercy & said I give up trying to control.
That's what happened & my life started getting better back in Seoul.
I got all of the best job opportunities, so many loving people as well,
much better living conditions, my job brought me security.
How can I lower my worth after getting so much love & recognition?
How can I look for the bare minimum security which can eat my soul up?
I give up, do you listen?
To me, if it does not feel right, I cannot do it.
How can one dance if the music does not touch their soul?
I also give up the things I want.
I let them go, I cannot stand the feeling of pressuring myself
or the energies of the world in order to have them.
Any material possession, any desire.
Nothing can born right if it's born out of stress, pressure.
If I want anything, it should come out of abundance of any good feeling.
So I give up right now. I don't have such security/freedom.
It's ok as long as I am somewhere protected, being with my cats ♡
I'm being at a place where I can take care of myself & do small things.
I can do things that require what I've already got & when it's time...
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